How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
