Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
