When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
