Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
