theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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