I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
