Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
