i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
