turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
