This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
