So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
