Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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