I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
