Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If I die, sorry about rent.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
