I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
