I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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