her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
