i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
