I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
