It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
