dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
