I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
