we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
