I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
