No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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