She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
