I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I would fuck him just for his dog
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