im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
