It's Friday. Sex?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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