chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
