Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
