Im at strip club and am horny
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
