my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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