is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
