Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
