When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
