just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
