Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
