The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
