Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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