I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
