She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
