I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
