I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
