I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
