I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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