Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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