watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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