Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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