Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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